You are so right without me mentioning it ! I’ve always expressed that I’m scared of getting close to people because it scares me that they can just leave your life either by choice or death. It’s a terrifying thought to have and it’s stopped me building non romantic relationships with others because my thought process is always well what’s the point they will eventually get bored of me and leave like everyone else.

The situation with the guy and his girlfriend is just a weird and complex one that I wish I could wrap my head around. I know it seems weird to be prying into the lives of people I have no business with but at the same time scrolling through her Instagram feed and comparing my life to what I see she’s posted gives me nothing but pain but at the same time I can’t let go.

I’ve tried going on dating apps to try and get my mind off of him and potentially meet someone new but every guy I see does not look like him and I know that no one is going to look exactly like him but that’s the problem, I only want him and it feels like no one else will do. I just want to be completely happy and content with my own life rather than wishing for someone else’s.