Dear frozenfireflies:

You are welcome. “Our main obstacle seems to be finding ways to effectuate this change. I’m also finding it tough to remain calm and we’re trying to practice with time-outs for 10-20 mins so that we can’t escalate so badly“-

– there are different online resources in regard to anger management in a marriage. , one of which is the marriage foundation. org/ anger and resentment in marriage. What got my attention here (which I like) is the comparison between anger at one’s spouse and anger at one’s child. It reads in part: “When your children are angry for silly reasons, (e.g. you cut their sandwich the wrong way, or you won’t let them eat dirt, etc.) do you feel like it is ruining your family? Does their anger ruin your day, cause you to resent them, or to close off your heart to them? No, of course not. You simply deal with them lovingly as they work through their own issues…

“Your job (with your husband) is to be loving. Not a teacher or a disciplinarian as you are with your children. Your role is to understand and support your spouse while they are suffering from and working through their own issue… All criticism, negativity, nagging, and expectations from your side should be non-existent. Only positive and loving words should be expressed, but never to reinforce bad behavior.”

anita