Dear Purple:

“I’m very sorry that you were bullied by your mother (someone who was supposed to protect you)..“- thank you, Purple.

“MY Dad, who was supposed to protect me and take my side no matter what, sided with my bullies“- I am equally sorry that someone who was supposed to protect you… attacked you instead.

“One night, as we were leaving the office, my teammates were bullying me as usual… badmouthing me…  soon enough, my Dad came to pick me up.. I burst out in tears…  then Bully B..  came to me to apologize to me.. I was too hurt to even look at her, and told my Dad to send her away…  But my Dad tried forcing me to accept her apology…  I then told him that I wanted to leave, but he kept insisting that… I (tell) him what happened.. I.. explained (to) him the whole situation while crying… My Dad then started speaking to my teammates.. After a while, Bully B came to me and said with a smirk, ‘Your Dad is also on our side‘, and walked away… I tried to initiate a conversation with him and asked him, ‘You are MY Dad, you are supposed to be on my side. Are you on my side or their side?‘. To which he didn’t answer.. I then threw away the keys I was holding in my hand… Me: What did my Dad say? Her.. : He said that you are a ‘difficult’ child at home too.. that your mother is ‘vexed’ with you…. See, I was right about you… your own Dad had justified that. I was not wrong in saying those things about you.

“Me: Then why did you apologize? You apologized to me, that means you feel guilty for what you said. Her: I apologized only because I felt ‘pity’ towards you, because you were crying. Our Manager asked me to do so... Me: You did it because you felt guilty… (.. I think my Dad’s words about me made her feel justified for treating me that way, and she dusted off her guilt. I request your thoughts on this, Anita)”- 

– (1) I don’t think that she apologized to you earlier (before taking her apology back) because she felt guilty. I think that- accordance to what you shared in your thread- apologizing in the company where you worked was nothing more than an unwritten company policy: a way to lubricate interpersonal interactions in the workplace for the purpose of keeping everyone where they are, superiors in their superior positions, and subordinates in their inferior position. This policy had nothing to do with truth, guilt or innocence (or with being a team).

Work colleagues were expected to apologize to each other, subordinates were expected to apologize to superiors for any criticism made, valid or invalid, and superiors apologized to the subordinates just so… to appear like team players. I think that you took the apologizing out of context, imagining that it had something to do with right and wrong, guilt or innocence.

(2)  You wrote earlier and most recently: “There were also a few misunderstandings between me and my bullies in the starting, due to me being a non-conformist, and I always apologized immediately… I was a non-conformist in the sense that I didn’t conform to the existing cultural standards of my country (I’m from a conservative country).. I think that they hated me for calling them out for their wrong-doings towards me and hated me for my values and convinced themselves that I was a self-righteous, judgmental person who deserved to be bullied”- I think that although you tried to conform to the unwritten company policy and apologize repeatedly, you also stood by your values of truth, and right and wrong, and therefore, you rebelled against admitting wrong when and where you did no wrong.

Rebels aka non-conformists are silenced- in authoritarian homes, workplaces and countries.

Seems like you were a rebel in a similar way at home, and this is the commonality that your father had with your work colleagues: they, like him, didn’t want rebels in their midst, and so, they joined forces for the purpose of silencing you.

“Her:…  You were also very wrong for throwing away your Dad’s keys. You are ‘disrespectful’, ‘ill-mannered’ and ‘difficult’“- it was not disrespectful or ill-mannered, for you to throw away the keys in the context in which you did; it was rebellious.

“Me..: Who is he to judge me without knowing anything about my relationship with my Dad? He should look at himself before pointing fingers at me..”- you are asking for honest introspection from people whose only interest is to … silence a rebel.

anita