Dear Lemon Tree:

“I want others to recognise and acknowledge the fact that I am content with my position in sales, I do not need to go higher up to become a doctor, accountant, or teacher etc. I need this validation as I have always been told that I should have done something better“- I think that I understand now, and it happens that I have believed- way before reading your words- that it is okay for anyone to be content doing any job that is an honest job, no matter what it is. The societal pressure to go higher up always bothered me, it was a race where I was left behind and I hated it. It leaves a lot of people unnecessarily trailing behind, frustrated and unhappy!

“I hope to find others who also recognize the fact that money is not the most important thing and it is indeed possible to do something ‘less worthy of money’ and be happy with where we are“- well, I am one of those others that you are looking for.

“Again it could be something to do with my childhood experiences, but I do not want to take the fall for something that I haven’t done. I absolutely hate the fact that we have been unable to work well together… I simply cannot tolerate the fact that someone is blaming me, it could be due to their incompetence..“- it is wrong for a person to do wrong and then to assign that wrong to another (to blame another), and cause the innocent one to take the fall. Reads like that it happened a lot to you as a child and consequently, you currently feel very strongly about it.

“So I believe that for most people, SOCIETY: You should do well in your studies, you should be promoted to higher ranks, and you should make a lot of money.  SELF: I want to do well in my studies, I want to be promoted to higher ranks, and I want to make a lot of money… I believe some others who are also high performing and might fly under the radar“- it is sadly true that so  many, many honest, hard-working people go unnoticed, their value not being recognized by society.

“SELF (In my case): I don’t think it matters if I study or not, I so not want to be promoted to higher ranks, I do not make a lot of money and I don’t need to. I want to be strong, happy and calm all the time“- I think that you want to no longer hear society’s voice in your brain, repeating that hateful message that you are not okay, that you are not valued unless you get promoted, make a lot of money, etc. We all hear societal messages in our heads no  matter how much we disagree with those messages.

A person, being a social animal, is not an independent entity: society is inherently, a part of every person. It doesn’t mean that we have to accept and submit to what society tells us. What I am saying is that we care about what society/ other people say and think.

“I want others to recognize the fact that I am working towards my goals and not to always focus on the fact that I am being an ‘overachiever’. I feel that I have been poorly understood in this regard“- (1) like I said, we care what other people think, this is why you want others to recognize this or that about you, (2) I think that I now understand- for the first time- what you mean by “overachiever”. You mean overqualified… as in.. meant to go up the ladder, to get promoted, to make a lot of money, etc.

“So I am also more prone to crashing as you said“- can you explain this for me?

One more thing, in a reply to another member, you wrote: “I was so exhausted that at one point I told the manager, could you please ask the others to just stop that one thing that is stopping me from finishing on time, (so) that (it) can be done in 10 mins, which is now taking 1 hour to do, as I am REALLY GETTING FRUSTRATED“- can you explain to me, as clearly as you can, what this frustration is about?

anita