Dear I am Building a Healthy Routine:

“Your daily walk is such a motivation! How long have you been doing it? What do you do when there is bad weather (rain or snow)?“- thank you and yes, I walked every single day through any and every kind of weather, including rain, windstorms, lightning, snow and ice, (And for that, I am a legend in these parts where I live.. if I may say so), since February 2014 when I moved here.

* In the winter of 2020, I think it was, I slipped and fell on ice during the last part of my walk and lost consciousness as a result. From that day onward, when it is icy outside- I walk on the treadmill instead. I can’t stress enough how dangerous it is to walk on ice, a bad idea!

In your post before last, you researched and examined the origin of your commitment issues:  “As a child I didn’t see anything I wanted to keep… Growing  up, I thought my mom or family didn’t love me“- as a child, you didn’t feel valuable enough to be loved, so you didn’t see a reason to have or keep anything of value.

“My mother did her best ( because I’m doing my best and it’s not easy, she had three little ones, I have one), but now I’m noticing, the more I educate myself, I’m understanding why my childhood was so hard, my mom was a young single mom”- your empathy and love for your mother is very evident here. You love her now, you always loved her.

“Her and our family complimented my younger sister about her beauty and accomplishments, and I don’t think I did well in school, and I had darker skin, I was chubbier than her, I also ate more and (had) curly short hair. (Now my looks  are considered beautiful)“-

– I am well aware of the dark skin/ light skin, curly hair/ straight hair prejudices, in particular within the African-American community-  because I worked for years in a public school district in the U.S. It is a real and terrible prejudice. I’ve seen girls in middle and high schools made fun of (in their presence or outside their presence) for no other reason than for having dark skin and/ or curly hair.

The origin of this prejudice is in the promotion- by white people with straight hair- that white skin and straight hair are superior. With the development of technology and media, this same promotion took place on a very large scale. (If to begin with, there was the opposite prejudice and promotion, it would have been people with white skin and straight hair who would have felt inferior).

* It is not surprising and very unfortunate that the unnecessary and harmful practices of straightening hair  and bleaching skin, using dangerous chemicals, takes place in the U.S. and in other parts of the world.

It is a very good thing that in more recent history, darker skin and curly hair are promoted- in the media- as beautiful. More and more people need to believe that no one is ugly because of their skin color or hair texture, or because of any other physical feature.

In regard to body weight, being significantly overweight is dangerous to one’s health, so it should not be promoted; on the other hand, extreme thinness should not be promoted either because it is unhealthy to be significantly underweight, and it is dangerous to go to extreme methods of losing weight. It is a very good thing to promote- in the media- a healthy female body that is not thin as beautiful!

“I wish I was a more supportive daughter..  I still wish I could have been a better daughter“- I can see guilt here, on your part, guilt without a valid reason. Think of this: how can a girl who emotionally needs to be taken care of, how can she emotionally take care of her mother? Try to not confuse the roles: she was your mother, you were her daughter. The daughter needs to receive from the mother, not the other way around.

“Because of it all, I’m a better sister and a better mom. I wish I could thank my mom, she is the person who signed me up for school and because of school I can read and because I can read I have been able to accomplish so many things. I’m Thankful”-

-you are a good person, a good mother, a good sister, and a good daughter. I know that your mother has passed, and I know that if any part of her is looking at you through my mind’s eyes, I know that she knows that you appreciate her and love her very much, and that she is proud of you, and thankful to have you as her daughter!

anita