Dear Lemon Tree:

You are welcome, I did sleep well last night (what a relief and what a difference it makes!) Thank you for your concern but no, it’s not too much for me to communicate with you: it takes significant mental effort and time on my part, but I can handle it!

I will do some thinking-out-loud as I type this reply, so nothing that follows is written in stone, not literally of course, but not figuratively either: I think that the reason it takes me all this mental effort to read and reply to you is that in the core of you, you are deeply conflicted in regard to an issue or two, but you don’t present your conflicts clearly (because they are not clear in your own mind, I figure), and instead you veer at length and in great detail into topics that are in the background of your mind, as opposed to the core: business and personnel management (things I know little to nothing about).

What I sense, from reading your yesterday’s post, having what you shared earlier in mind, is that you are conflicted in regard to what/ who you were expected to become (expected by authority figures, like parents), and who you are= who you want to be. What was expected of you still looms large, in your brain, and the two things (what was expected of you and who you want to become) are not two separate categories, they are mixed:

“For me, having the chance to be promoted to a store manager is something that I am dreaming of… That being said, stepping into management will also mean that I have less chance to keep doing what I’m doing (i.e. actually selling things, and talking to customers, and learning more about them)“- the management desire is partly who you are and partly who you were expected to be (and don’t want to be). On the other hand, actually selling things, etc.- unmotivated by the desire to become a manager- is who you are.

“The comment that strikes me the most is that you have mentioned how I would see someone as good or bad depending on whether it has triggered my childhood experiences. (Isn’t it true for everyone?)“-

-what you responded to right above was to this part of my yesterday’s post (I am now adding the italicized and boldface features): “I wonder (I don’t know) if your work colleagues are, in your perception, meerkats= good, honest people, one day (that’s when they function well and the wolves in your brain are quiet), and wolves= bad, dishonest people, the next day (that’s when they make mistakes and wolves in your brain are howling loudly)?”-

-it is true that we all projects our childhood experiences into the people and circumstances of our adult lives, but it is not true that for everyone, the projections change from good to bad and back to good, from one day to the next. My question then, does your perception change back and forth like this…?

“I’m facing a dilemma here. So you know how some people appear to be happy, when deep down they’re really sad… So for me, I am often described as calm, intelligent, kind, and creative… even if I am scrambling inside). So, if I feel calm inside then it is more likely to project the feeling of stress towards others, if it makes any sense“- no, it doesn’t make sense to me. Would you like to explain it to me more clearly?

anita