Dear Healing75:

You are welcome and thank you for your kind words.

“Yes, I did hurt G on many instances… I stopped contact just before my marriage (I didn’t tell her that I’m married but she got to know later)… overall, I thought that this step (marriage) could bring some sort of a change in my stagnated life for which I was frustrated as G was not ready to follow my timeline“- if I understand correctly, you wanted to marry G, but she was not ready to marry you at the time?

“I think I have considered marriage as a way of diversion or to fill some void in my life, also peer/family/society pressure that I’m still single etc. “- a void partly due to G not being ready to marry you? Is she ready now?

(I ask these questions, but they are not really relevant to the issue of your marriage to M).

“She (M) has no idea what it (psychotherapy) is,  even laughing at the thought of it… M though educated is not very aware of things like therapy ad is a bit limited in her knowledge or learnings“– so she is not at all willing to try therapy, is what you are saying. Maybe she will change her mind later.

“The marriage is just in papers… I never had sex with M. Like I said before it was just a friends-living-under-one-roof kind of relationship“– this is a very important piece of information, in my mind, and legally, it may also be a very important piece of information (see below).

“I’m looking to come out of this in the most compassionate way possible. I don’t think I’m looking to manipulate M here as I have never treated her as a wife, never expected anything from her nor used her for my benefit except agreeing for the arranged marriage, the reason for coming here is that I’m unable to handle this guilt“-

-here is what I suggest: Seek legal advice in the state/ country where you got married, and do so as soon as possible. If it is possible for you to get a marriage annulment, take the legal steps toward it. A marriage annulment- where it is available-  is different from a divorce: it is quicker, simpler, and  following an annulment you are considered “single” (unlike being considered “divorced” following a divorce).

You can read more about the Pros and Cons of annulment on mom junction. com/ Marriage Annulment.. Annulment vs Divorce (Nov 2022). If I understand correctly, Mom Junction is located in India. Although it is geared toward women, in regard to marriage annulment- it applies to men as well.

Here is a quote from the website: “Why would someone want an annulment? Fraud, bigamy, an unconsummated marriage …”- unconsummated marriage, it says, is a reason for a marriage annulment.

In regard to M’s feelings: unfortunately, there is nothing that you can do about it, other than offer- yet again- quality psychotherapy for her.

* You may want to make it public, that is, make it known to your family and friends- and to her family and friends- that the marriage was never consummated (ask your attorney about it first).

In regard to your guilt: you can’t go back in time and change anything at all that already happened. Try to make it right TODAY and in the future, one day at a time: that is all that you can do.

anita