Dear Farnaz:

“I tried not to search for heavy stuff like politics and religion. I[‘d rather be exhausted with work or any physical work than try to dissect and find the meaning of things“- as far as understanding the psychology of our respective parents, it seems to me that you, like me, have been interested in dissecting and finding meaning in understanding them (and ourselves) better.

“She wasn’t realistic, she was negative and miserable, that applied to my mom too. I believe they didn’t trust themselves at all… couldn’t handle hard issues, like balancing between the difference (between) them and their children’s character, and solve familial dispute with respect and love. They didn’t have the emotional maturity and patience to manage it, so  they would freak out, make a scene, blame everyone, and try to control the situation by aggression and character assassination” – very well said!

“My only guess is because you overpowered her. It wasn’t joyful for her to intimidate you, you got stronger and she sensed it“- yes, it is not joyful to be overpowered by another. The joy is in overpowering the other.

“these kinds of people are very good at judging who they can manipulate and use for their own benefit“- yes, only that their own long-term benefit required a different kind of behavior (the kind that fits respect and love… emotional maturity and patience, your words above). Their short-term benefit was simply to feel better at the moment, and that, they achieved.

“It’s highly possible she found someone else to torture after a while“- yes, the next person she tortured after I left was my younger sister (she focused on her more and tortured her more than she did before).

“I’m so sorry for that, that’s so painful, but I think she thinks of you as a continuum of herself, and she saw herself, so we’re nothing too. Of  that I’m sure“- she projected her feeling of being a Nothing into me, yes. But she didn’t perceive me to be a continuum, or a continuation of herself. In her mind, I was very much a Stranger, and too often, an enemy.

“About Ted Bundy… I didn’t know he had family members in jail..“- no, I was talking about another criminal, his name was Charles Manson. He had young people who followed him: not members of his biological family, but people who were called (in the news and in books) “The Family”. I will look into Inside the Death Row by Trevor McDonald later on and tell you about it.

anita