Dear Farnaz:

“Can you imagine if they were actually smart? their ability to destroy others’ life would be much worse“- if they were smart, they wouldn’t destroy other people’s lives more; they wouldn’t destroy other people’s lives at all! (Ex.: It would have worked for my mother’s benefit if she did NOT destroy so much of my life).

“Most people with manipulating behavior are relying too much on power of their words and effect their word have on others, they are too lazy or too dumb… They want credit without doing anything so they can prove they are smarter than others“- some manipulative people are lazy, others are hard-working; some have a low IQ, others have a high IQ; some are often arrogant, others often put themselves down when talking to others.

“I don’t have that faith in new year resolution, lol“- I don’t believe that any particular date has an objective, real power in regard to the success or failure of resolutions.

“I enjoyed it, not because he deserved that, but because all the expectations he did have regarding having sex with me, and actually treating me like trash… he was so wrong..“- yes, he was wrong, of course he was wrong: you did not deserve to be treated like a sexual object. It is painful for a human being to be treated like an object. As far as you telling him that his mother is or was a wh***, I’d say it was not a good idea simply because this insult could not possibly make him treat women better in the future. On the contrary, it is likely to cause him to continue to think less of women and treat women as less. It would have been better if you expressed your valid hurt and anger genuinely and without insults. There would have been a chance then, however small,  that he would consider what you say to him and change his behaviors to the better.

“About other situations, I feel like I could be more assertive and upfront about what I don’t like.. so anger wouldn’t accumulate in me and make me suddenly explode“- this dynamic of keeping things inside and then exploding is the hallmark of bpd behavior. Learning and practicing assertiveness skills is key to changing this behavior.

anita