Thanks Anita.

I feel a little embarrassed by the incoherence and rambling of my previous message.

To summarize:

– I am sure that as of right now, I’m not interested in a genuine friendship with her. I’m in a much better place mentally but the risk of regressing and getting hurt again if I opt to go down the friendship route is still high.

– Yes I want another chance at a romantic relationship but I am prepared that this may never happen.

– You have suggested to reach out (as I have told her I will at some point), but don’t pretend to be friends as that is dishonest, but also to not give her the idea that I’m trying to re-attract her which will push her away.

– What kind of message do I reach out with that strikes the right balance and allows me the opportunity to meet her a couple more times and show her my genuine strength?

– I guess what I’m asking for is the impossible – a path that allows me to show her the more balanced / caring / emotionally strong version of me one or two times, a path that isn’t disingenuous, and a path that allows me to walk away with grace and dignity and as little pain/regret as possible.

– I am highly stressed / anxious about my best friend’s wedding in July – my concern is I meet with her a few more times before then, and it doesn’t lead to anywhere and/or I eventually find out that she’s dating someone else, and then I can’t go to the wedding as I won’t be able to bear the pain of seeing her.

– Are the stakes too high and probability of things working out in my favour so low that I simply send an amicable goodbye message now or in the next few weeks/months (thereby keeping my word that I’ll get back to her), and walk away forever and opt myself out of the wedding?

Thank you again for your help and kindness.

Hamza

are you currently sure that you do not want (and will not be okay with) a friendship with her, and that what you want and desire is a romantic relationship with her?