Dear Palegazasunnidays:

You read like an honest, very responsible and resourceful daughter, mother, and friend.  I am sorry that your father became ill with anxiety and depression and I hope that he recovers soon this year.

I want to understand better what happened with A in the context of your June 2022-Jan 2023 life events:

June 2022, your father got sick with anxiety and depression. By late August, his condition deteriorated and the man you’ve been seeing, A, has “suddenly gone cold” on you, asking for space, which you graciously gave him. In early September, A told you that “he didn’t want to be in a relationship but that he would like to remain friends“, and again, you graciously accommodated him. On Sept-Oct, your father deteriorated further and was admitted to a hospital. By Dec 2022, A made “one or two suggestive comments“, then invited you for dinner. While at his place, he asked you to stay overnight, and you declined. At the end of Dec 2022, you met A for coffee, “one thing  led to another” and you slept together. The two of you ended up in bed together on weekends during Jan 2023. Throughout this whole time you were a model+ daughter, mother, friend; helping everyone a whole lot.

“The thing is this just doesn’t feel right. I feel pretty messed up at the moment, we sleep together and I end up crying… I feel like I’ve lost my dad… My teenage sons don’t need me as much now and I feel lost without that too. And there’s A who I know doesn’t want a relationship… but I crave his company, his touch, even though I know deep down it’s not right“-  it is as if you’ve gone back-  since June last year- to being a girl/ a single, young woman (although a very responsible and resourceful one), being that you’ve been spending significantly less time being a mother and taking care of your sons, and a lot more time around and about your original family, as a daughter and sister. To add to it: there is this guy, a male teenager-like who has been using you for sex. True, you need to be touched, but you don’t want to be used: you don’t want to be friends with benefits with A– or with anyone.

“Any thoughts, advice words of experience would be welcomed because I’m finding it hard to see things with any real logic or perspective just now“- I don’t think that you want to be used for sex, and I know that you deserve better than that. Before I continue, am I on the right track?

anita