Anita, yes, I guess some of my dad’s anxiety/depression may have come from that place. He’s mentioned feeling dragged down by doing everything and i can understand how that feels.

A invited me over to dinner, and as an afterthought (in a second message) said I could stay over, that he’d give me his bed and he’d take his daughters (she was at her mums that night, shes 20) with no funny business. When I questioned it later in the evening, he said he is just lonely and wanted to wake up with another person in the house on Xmas day. In between the days of my declining and then sleeping with him, he said that he’d asked me to stay and that he knew something would happen and that he was being selfish because he’d wanted to wake up next to me, to feel held and wanted. When i said to him that i felt really confused about it all as he’d wanted to go from friends to dating, but was then seemingly pursuing me again, he said that I should have said just said yes, and probably just stayed, but also said he understood why as whether I stayed over or not he said he knew I’d overthink things, hence saying I should have just stayed.

I spent Xmas day and boxing day in a state of confusion. Lonely without my boys, lonely being at my parents on Xmas day where i cooked dinner and sorted everything out.. and alone at home on boxing day. Was not a good Xmas.

And since sleeping with him, and having continued to.. I still remain conflicted within my mind among other things going on x