Thank you Anita

My brother is dyslexic, potentially ASD but never diagnosed, lives at home with my parents, has no friends,  no job, no benefits. His only outing is to the shops to by food with my parents money. He’s socially anxious and anxious in general. He was most helpful when my dad was unwell at home in trying to help him to manage his anxiety have g dfound ways to try to manage his own if that makes sense. Helping with the shopping is about all he is able to offer other than that he shuts himself in his room and is nocturnal, being awake all night, and asleep most of the day.

My mother is also dyslexic. However, she is a social butterfly, loves to meet with her friends for coffee and chatter. My dad’s anxiety frustrates her. When he was unwell at home she backed away saying she couldn’t deal with it, saying she just felt cross with him. The most she is able to help with is again food shopping, household chores, food prep/cooking. She’s doesn’t understand maths/finance neither does my brother and neither of them drive. My mum also has mobility issues.

I just sought to be independent when younger, its the only thing I knew how to do.

Over the years my dad has expressed his frustration and overwhelm at having to do everything, all the driving, running about, finances, maintaining the house and garden etc etc.. He’s let off steam with me, he’s shouted in exasperation at my mum, more so when I was younger, as I remember trying to calm them both by making them laugh.

I am doing my best to support him in his recovery.

Life has felt quite lonely. I’ve not always felt like I fitted in at times. I’ve always been active and bust. As a youngster it was sports and hobbies and helping others.. and not much has changed I that respect.

I think I understand where you’re coming from with regards to the together feeling with A, and the loneliness after. I think a lot of the time my relationships have felt that way, I’ve put so much in, given so much of myself but it feels so lonely.. not sure that really makes any sense though?? However, I do crave that together feeling, even though my gut instinct may be telling me, as it has in the past, that something isn’t sitting right.

A wants me when it suits him.. which stirs up memories of most of my relationships being similar. I always seem to be seeking to please, seeking to prove my worth? I don’t know

I tried so hard to remain single, just over 3 years was good for me, and the majority of the time that was okay, i thought about dating occasionally, but having made so many mistakes/wrong choices, i chose not to date which led to feeling lonely at times. Then I hit a rough spot last year when my dad became unwell and met A at a vulnerable time. Maybe he could sense that? x