Hi Anita

Much as I would love to be in the position whereby I could get counselling, I’m unfortunately not in the financial position not to be able to do so. And accessing free counselling here in the UK is very difficult due to waiting lists, so I am trying to do my best to work through things myself 🙂

I have been reading through some of the blog articles on Tiny Budda and there were a couple that resonated with me..

4 Fears That Create People-Pleasers and How to Ease Them

https://tinybuddha.com/blog/the-power-of-saying-no-even-to-people-you-love/?fromterm=5194

I resonated with the story each told of their past behaviour. I think I’ve mentioned previously that I find it difficult to say no and I’m aware of an inate need to please and give to others from a young age.

I’m have become more acutely aware of feeling angry on many occasions in the past and have suppressed it, not allowed it to speak. However, more recently I am finding it really difficult to suppress, and I guess I have become more aware that its been trying to tell me something very important. I have found myself wanting to know what it’s been wanting to say and I now understand.

I’ve have been thinking a lot over the past week about how to go about changing things so that I prioritise myself, show myself self compassion, self care. The blog posts are helpful and help increase awareness of where I’m at at present and what I need to consider doing to change things and feel more at peace with myself and my life. I need to learn to say no, and to set boundaries as these a two things I just don’t do at all right now. I feel I need to learn about unnecessary guilt too.. learn to let go of it. And I need to remain aware of my inner child, and ask the right questions of myself when things feel off balance, when my gut instinct kicks in.

I felt I took a step, all be it a very very tiny step in the right direction on Sunday by saying ‘No’. A texted me Sunday morning ‘Do you still want an early cuppa?’. I wrestled with saying yes/no.. after sitting with it for for 20 min or so, I texted him and said, ‘No thanks. I’ve got my climbing course today (which I had) and I want to visit the coast for a walk beforehand and enjoy the sunshine. Hope you have a good day’. I enjoyed my wall and had a great time climbing and chatting to the other people in the group I was climbing with 🙂