Dear Anita,

Thank you for your response to my story. It is a very painful thing to go through and I would not wish this suffering on anyone. It is the worst emotional pain I have ever experienced.

I cannot explain my actions during those weeks (many weeks) when I neglected her. I am trying to come to terms with what I did and why. The therapist is helping me and also came to the same conclusions that I must have had serious trauma in childhood to cause me to act the way that I did and I seem to want to . Perhaps some hidden personality trait that is exposed when in certain situations.

I think a lot of the points you make are valid about my childhood, which have shaped me as an adult. My childhood wasn’t a happy experience, with parents constantly fighting, doors being slammed and general unhappiness. I also struggled at school with socialising, even tough I tried. I have also been through serious trauma with a previous relationship and I didn’t learn the lessons I should have from that breakup and taken them into the next relationship. With that experience I concentrated on getting better and recovering when I should have also learned from it and carried it forward in my life.

After so many months my pain, guilt and suffering do not seem to be abating. I have just learned/confirmed that my ex is now seeing someone and appears to be in love. I am happy for her, but I am totally devastated. The suffering goes on and on.