Hi Seaturtle

I’m glad that you found me sharing the difficulties that I’ve had with PTSD in my relationship helpful. 😊

I’m sorry to hear about your difficulties with finances and losing your job (even though it felt like a relief because of the difficulties you were having with mental health).

It’s good to hear that you are finding living apart helpful. It sounds like you went through a lot while you were living together. No doubt that difficult roommate made the whole experience that much more challenging.

I’m glad that as you have been discussing the trauma invalidation your partner has been understanding and supportive even if he doesn’t understand all of your triggers.

I can see why you feel hurt by the insensitive joke your boyfriend told. I mentioned that I like sarcasm before, so I think I understand your partner’s sense of humour. The problem is that not everyone appreciates sarcasm especially at their own expense. It was insensitive, he definitely misjudged how you might feel about a joke like that and it’s understandable to feel hurt by it.

Something that really helped me to understand my feelings regarding disagreements with my partner was reflecting on my experience with him. So outside of disagreements I felt like I had a very good relationship with with my partner, I felt safe, loved etc. But during disagreements I felt that I didn’t trust him. I would worry that he didn’t care about me and all of these kinds of dark thoughts.

I had to practice recalling who he was outside of disagreements and comparing this truth of what I knew about my partner being loving against the almost dark thoughts I experienced during a trigger. Is it likely that this person who loves and cares for me so much is intentionally trying to hurt me? No. Does my perception of what is happening right now match with his usual behaviour? No. This would help me to change my perspective and refocus on reality, as opposed to my fears.

I would write down little notes for myself to read when I was having difficulties.

“This is 2023, I am safe with my partner who loves me. I’m not a child anymore being bullied by my mother. I am an adult now and I can protect myself. These feelings are memories of a painful past, they will pass in time.”

I have more to add but I’m getting sleepy! I will have to finish tomorrow.

Love and best wishes! ❤️ 🙏