Hi,

this is my very first post and I’m not sure where to post it but my problem seems to be very similar to what Rosie and Anita described here.

Since a very young age I’ve felt like I had to look after my younger brother and my parents instead of them looking after us children.

I remember saving every penny in my piggy bank and getting a babysitting job at 12 just to help out and my dad was an alcoholic and my mom was busy studying for her pharmacist exam and wasn’t really “present”.

Fast forward about 30 years and my parents are now long divorced , my dad lives on bare minimum, has numerous health issues and can barely afford rent in his tiny apartment.
ive offered to help many times, I asked him to move in with me and my husband, we have a big house and lots of room. Back when I had a good job I offered to pay a down payment on a condo for him so at least he wouldn’t be paying so much in rent . He’s been renting the same place over 30 years now and it’s going downhill , the landlord is a slumlord who doesn’t turn on heat in winter and there are bugs in the building .

it makes me so sad that my dad is so stubborn and wants to live that way . I’m in another province but still I would pay for his plane tickets to at least come visit and stay in a nice clean house for a while .

how can I deal with this situation ?
I don’t have a good job anymore but it’s still decent but I can’t afford to go to visit him ( because I would literally have to stay at a hotel , I’m very scared of bugs, rats  and the people that live in his building ).

I wish he would just wake up one day and realize it makes no sense what he’s doing .he could live so much better .

natalia