“This describes me when I was your age and many years after.” : Then you must understand how much self-blame and beating up I am doing. The break up has had so much toll on me I somehow have lost all of my convo skills and social skills. It feels like all the Self-improvement I had done since coming to college has been ruined and gone down the drain. Like I am back to square one with my social anxiety and introverted nature and especially my self-esteem.

“If you weren’t solely focused on your inadequacies or imperfections, you would have noticed hers” : This is what makes moving on really hard. She is on a pedestal to me and during that time I was so stressed and anxious most of the memories seems boring and blurry. On top of that our acquaintance was long, 5 months, so it hurts all that time together ending in this manner. I am also suffering from recurring thoughts and “What if” thoughts about the whole situation

I am pretty sure it’s my anxiety that is making me see things in 5x the real problem/thing. But it hurts she was my first and she was just like I had imagined my SO to be.

On top of that, my friend circle has seen a significant decrease since the first year, honestly, I have just 3 friends now and my girlfriend has left me. Everything in future years (3rd and 4th) seems very bleak and lonely, I feel like my alone sad childhood self again. I can’t bring myself back to that routine of sitting alone and reading books and painting all the time.