Hi Seaturtle

I’m sorry to hear that you are hurting going through the depression and sadness stage. Well done on all of your hard work going through most of the other stages already.

It sounds like part of you is doubting yourself a bit.

On the one hand, you know that you made the right decision and don’t believe some of the things your ex and your fears suggest. On the other, you are taking to heart the times when your ex blamed you. I don’t think what he said was true. You didn’t give up on him. He gave up long before you did. You tried really hard for a long time and kept asking for him to try too. He refused.

One person can’t keep a relationship going. Both people need to try. No one is perfect in relationships but as long as both people try things can work out.

It’s good that you also have good memories of the relationship, not just bad ones. It’s okay to miss those. You will always have the good memories. But the good didn’t outweigh the bad. It didn’t change the fact that you felt terribly unseen in the relationship and he simply wasn’t the right person for you. These things happen unfortunately when dating, it isn’t easy or pleasant. But it doesn’t mean that you did anything wrong. Quite the opposite, it was very mature of you to recognize when someone isn’t right for you. I honestly think you tried to handle it with compassion and gave him every chance to treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
<p style=”text-align: left;”>You are a beautiful person inside and out, no doubt. I hope that the next person you date appreciates you fully. Realistically, it may take some time to find your person though. I’m glad that you found my old message comforting.</p>
I think that ultimately, growing is learning to treat yourself with that love and respect too. What do you think you need right now?

Thank you for your kind message in regards to communication with my partner. We are not perfect but we are trying. It may surprise you but I have been with my partner for a few years. It has only been this past year where he has begun to open up about his feelings. It is difficult for men, they are conditioned by society not to talk about things. Even more surprising perhaps might be that he used to be a therapist. Not my therapist, to be clear. But he was one a few years before he met me.

I agree, it is reassuring just to hear that someone didn’t mean to hurt you.

I’m glad to hear that you feel comfortable letting me know if you are ever hurt.

You mentioned recently that you felt selfish about the decision to break up.

I would suggest that when you are feeling calmer that you prove to yourself the ways that you aren’t a selfish person. Write down all of the good things that you do to help and care for others. Doing this on a regular basis is a good way to change internal beliefs about yourself that have been taught to you by other people.

I hope that you feel better soon. Please be gentle with yourself and take extra special care of yourself when you are feeling down.

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏