Hi Anita!

Thanks for the welcome back! It’s always nice to pop on here from time to time! 🙂 I hope you’ve been well!

Yes, I think she is more interested in flirting as a single woman, and perhaps gets annoyed if men approach me as I am not interested in anything more than being social and friendly.

She also makes little remarks about my appearance which annoy me and feel like backhanded compliments.  For example, I have very curly hair, which I happen to like. But she often makes comments about my hair saying it looks so crazy and unbrushed. Or she will mention how my hips are so narrow and her’s are definitely wider. It’s just odd, and feels very comparative. The other day she commented on how we both have “unique faces that not every man would appreciate”. LOL.  It is a bit ridiculous! Even writing it out, I realize there are some insecurities on her part.  For my part, I am like most women, insecure about a few things, but overall I feel good in my skin. I always compliment her when we meet up, tell her that her outfit is great, or her hair looks nice, etc, but I realize I rarely get positive feedback in return. It’s not really expected, I give my compliments genuinely. I am just noticing this pattern where I am very encouraging and positive, and I feel like she gives me these little papercut compliments, if you can call them that. There are just many very minor snarks, and it all cumulates in my mind, and sometimes I do get rubbed the wrong way and have a bit of a reaction. Then she tells me I am overly sensitive, because the individual thing I am reacting to is minor, but it’s been built up by many little remarks.

I think we can all be judgemental for sure. I have learned over the years what is useful to share and what isn’t. The world is so ugly, I try to share the positive, because there’s enough ugly to go around. Anita, have you ever read “The Four Agreements”? I am going back to it, because it has great tips about being impeccable with your word (only speaking with integrity and not speaking ill of others or of ourselves), and not taking things personally. I feel like I can maybe apply this to my situation with my friend. I think her comments are coming from her own perspective and view of things. My question to myself is, do I want to stay close to someone who seems to see me as a competitor, and inferior to her?