Hi Seaturtle

That’s very kind of you to say. It’s lovely to see you around again. I really enjoy speaking with you. ❤️

You know what, they said that to be cruel. To try to stifle your light. F that! Pardon my French. 😂

There are people in life who just become part of the cycle of generational trauma and there are people who choose to heal, grow past it and find their own way. I can tell that you are the latter. I think that is really special. My therapist said is actually a rare quality.

I also find it helpful to reflect on nice things that I’m told by people.

I think that sometimes the people we care about have the potential to cause the most pain. There is an implicit level of trust and respect that elevates their opinions. And people with empathy listen and reflect, wondering if that person was right when we are told something cruel. Particularly so, when there is underlying trauma that the message aligns with.

I also feel like it’s much easier to be hurt by someone we trust and care about sometimes. There is an expectation of care. Whereas with a stranger there is no expectation, no attachment. When a relationship is generally good and a person tries we can forgive and move on. But when a relationship isn’t so healthy that’s when there can be difficulties with self esteem.

It can also be difficult to maintain relationships with people who have caused a lot of trauma even when the relationship improves, especially if they make the odd comment that brings up old trauma. I used to wonder why my therapist recommended that I didn’t see my adopted mother. Now, I understand. It is possible to maintain those relationships don’t get me wrong. But a lot of space is needed and maintaining contact is a sacrifice emotionally.

Sometimes people are right in their feedback, sometimes people are wrong. My husband says a broken watch can be right twice a day, but you don’t tell the time by it. I think it’s important to use your judgment to see if you think something is right or not.

Please forgive my rambling. I think my mind is shutting down for the night!

Congratulations on your new milestone! Getting rid of photos and things that remind you of the relationship and feeling better. I’m glad that it feels right for you! If thoughts of the relationship arise again it is not a bad thing. It is just a thing thing. These things come and go. It’s not pleasant to feel pain, but sometimes when we resist something we give it a lot of importance in our mind. The more painful, the more “important”, the more likely thoughts are to reoccur. I don’t know if you felt like you were thinking about the relationship when you didn’t want to?

I do love finding communities of kind people. I couldn’t agree more! I also find that people who walk their dogs are especially kind. And also elderly people are very cut and dry in who they are. You quickly find out if they fall into the extremely kind category or the cranky one. I’m glad that you have a safe space. That is so important and so healing. ❤️

While I was reflecting on the specialness of Seaturtle it made me realise that the name is so apt!

Always eager to hear your thoughts!

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏