These are some psychological theories.

There are some cases, where people are attracted to people who are unhealthy for them. It is called schemas being activated. It creates intense chemistry.

Schemas are unhealthy thought patterns about ourselves. Their purpose is to exist and they entice actions that feed them. It is like people being raised in a difficult home being unhappy once they leave home. The mind seeks normality, even if that normality is unhappy. And resists being happy because it is not considered normal.

You are being quite hard on yourself, you do not strike me as a fool. You are trying to protect yourself, trying to resist impulses, trying to heal. If there is a psychological model for these things it is common behaviour! We are really just animals following our feelings. It is hard work and takes a lot of figuring out. It sounds like your feelings are starting to catch up to your logic, which is pretty awesome. You didn’t need a psychological model to be explained to you to start to figure things out. You managed that yourself. And of course I’m sure it was helpful talking things through too.