Hi Seaturtle

That is amazing to hear that your family have noticed your growth too! 😊

I think that you are strong enough to figure things out if there are any difficulties in relationships. It is great to hear that you are practicing listening to your intuition regularly!

So there’s something that can stop you from listening to your intuition in relationships.

Schemas can create attraction to people that you aren’t compatible with. A schema is an unhealthy thought pattern about yourself. For you, it would be a result of your trauma. But the basic idea is that if say you are used to an unstable home environment, once you leave that environment your mind tries to recreate that environment elsewhere. It is not just environmental though, it can affect mood and all sorts. People psychologically consider whatever they are familiar with safe, even if it is not safe. It takes effort and time to overcome these tendencies.

But yes, it is possible to access your intuition in relationships.

Something that I found helpful was to consider what I did and didn’t want in a relationship. Perhaps you might find that helpful when considering new partners?

Another thing is that people often act differently from normal when they enter relationships. Some are more affectionate, this is to encourage emotional attachment. It can be a good idea to emotionally protect yourself and wait to see how people act later on. This is how you will learn more about their nature and of course you learned the hard way that living with someone is how you truly learn about what they are like. Once you have lived together and they have experienced hardship. That is when you have a good understanding of someone’s character as people are at their worst during times of hardship.

Oooh that’s a deep question. It is difficult because with trauma there are times when triggered that trust can even be difficult with loved ones. With strangers I would say, pay attention to how they behave and what they say. If someone treats other people in a certain way, they are likely to at some point treat you like that as well. The clearest indication is if they have done something that doesn’t sit well with you. Another thing to consider is how you feel about them when you are calmer. Is the intuition still there? If not, it could just be anxiety. Considering if your feelings proportionate to the situation is also helpful. Being triggered or anxious is upsetting. Intuition is calmer. I guess what I tend to do is trust people in stages. If people are consistently kind, I share more. If they are not consistently kind, I share less.

I imagine that dynamic during disagreements would be because of your father. I am imagining that as a child when your father was angry you just wanted it to stop and you were scared and wanted a hug. But he was also unstable and not safe for you during those times. Would you agree with this? These feelings can persist as adults during disagreements.

I think the difficulty is to stay present when triggered during a disagreement. It takes a lot of practice and willingness to be vulnerable, being open to be hurt, but at the same time trust that the other person doesn’t want to hurt you.

Haha yes, it does take more than positivity. My husband and I actually figured things out finally. I think we have always been trying to protect ourselves first and foremost. Which isn’t always conducive for fixing problems. It is more like two people just saying my feelings are important. All feelings are important, but nurturing a relationship and solving problems is perhaps the most important thing of all. It does take two people to do that though.

I’m not American, so we don’t celebrate it. How was your 4th of July? How have you been?

It has been lovely catching up with you again. 😊❤️

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏