Paul,

I’m sorry for your uncomfortable feelings, and can empathize with how our mistakes can trouble us. Sometimes we get allured by sidetracks, new and sparkly over tried and true. Its really just a matter of impatience, but it blossoms into a lot more as we step further and further away from our sense of right. A few things came to heart as I read your words.

Consider that forgiving here is going to have to happen from within, because not all of your mistakes involve her directly. Perhaps the home life was a little shadowy, you two distracted by stresses and whatnot, feeling fear instead of lightness and faith in your mutual efforts to nourish the family, bring the bacon, and all that. So, the flirty was a little light, a blossom in a desert, and you got a little close. When too much of your attention was turned toward her, luckily she closed it down before it went further. You were on a slippery path, and its natural that you lost your footing a little. It happens.

Consider that looking outside your marriage in that way is not the path, son, let it go. Polyamory is fine, if both are willing to walk that path together, but when we make a promise, we should do our best to honor it. Again, its normal to reach for a glass of fresh water when we become thirsty, but a fidelitous heart is important, too.

Which brings us back to the initial thorn, the impatience. Consider that relationships cycle through phases of sun and moon. On a picnic, laughter and joy, is followed by paying bills, or some of the bills, and scratching our heads and biting our nails and so forth. The passion turns elsewhere, stress closing the “picnic field”, interrupting the dance of lovers. And we miss it, because when the music plays and we are hand in hand with our wife, what magic! We married her for a reason, two hearts joining because they wanted to. Perhaps a few more bills and wrinkles these days, but still an incredible beauty when we are looking.

To solve the impatience, consider resigning, repenting, by simply bringing home the life you wish you had. Said differently, if you can see how the flirty texts brought some needed freshness to your step, accept that need is real, and try to inspire it at home. Flirt with your wife. She might have walls of stress or fear between herself and her inner flirt, but you know her tender spots, what brings her happiness, so use your knowledge to wake her up. Capture her attention, fill her view with blossoms and cards and smiles and kisses. You want to do that, or it being missing wouldn’t have driven you away from your promise.

Then, be patient. Perhaps the first bouquet won’t bring out her playful spirit, perhaps not the surprise kisses on the back of her neck. It might take a dozen, or thirty… but let it be your quest, proof to yourself, Gaia, and your wife, that you can be patient while you wait for the sun to come up. Said differently, perhaps you can accept you have a need for playfulness, but instead of outside, grow it inside.

Finally, consider that you’ve been given a valuable lesson in certain, slippery, paths, so to speak. Use it wisely, because it is not good to dishonor ourselves or our home. Not just because of the wife, but for yourself. You made promises, and as you work to keep those promises, less of your strength is lost in cycles of regret, isolation, and brooding. Said differently, hot stove, burnt hand, painfulness, wisdom. Right? That’s enough, let it go, get up, move on. Now, what makes your wife’s river rise? Aim there. 🙂

Namaste, brother, may you find your oasis.

With warmth,
Matt