Just throwing in my two cents worth here, but I would encourage everybody to stop focusing on “diagnosing” their ex/partners. Was it narcissism, depression, avoidant personality, schizoid, etc? Think about yourself and what your needs are in a relationship. If the relationship is over, or if you have made a decision to end it but have yet to carry through, it’s no longer important what personality deficiencies or mental health conditions your (soon to be) ex has. That is all on your rear view mirror now. Focusing on the other person just perpetuates the idea that they have control over your thoughts and emotions.

T, I really feel for you as I know from experience how difficult it is to let go of someone you’ve invested so much heart and soul into. Know that you are doing right by you and have the courage to carry through on this difficult journey. Des described a lot of the same feelings I went through when I recently ended my three year relationship. There will be ups and downs to be sure.

A book I have recommended that helped me really think about how difficult it was for me to leave is “How to Break Your Addiction to a Person” by Howard Halpern. The title and use of the word “addiction” is a little sensational, but the case studies he shares and analysis of “attachment hunger” that leads one to stay in an unfulfilling relationship really resonated with me.