Nice note, Jasmine-3. Thank you for your insights. I am working on all that – just a hard road for me – a mutual friend of mine and “the other woman” – is surprised how hard i am taking this and sees much blame on the other woman so i take some solace in her view – regarding sharing with my wife, in an ideal world i would, but i fear the ding on her self-confidence even though, as you say, she was not the casue of my actions (there is a certain irony in that for most of the time i was flirting elsewhere, my wife and i enjoyed a stronger connection – now since i am in this world of hurt, i find it hard to be close with my wife as i feel hypocritical..if that makes any sense) – life is journey – i created a huge bump for myself – following your points here should help me emerge stronger