Hi Rozay,
First of all, thank you for sharing your story. It takes a lot to open up and discuss self-perceptions and areas of self improvement so I think this is a good starting point to hopefully find (or begin to find) peace of mind. I log on to Tiny Buddha everyday to find encouraging stories and situations that I can relate to and your story, amongst many others, is one that I can relate to. I decided about a year ago that after living in California for nearly a year, that I wanted to move back home and worried about what people would think, whether they’d deem me as a failure, unable to survive away from family, friends, etc. The truth is, whether or not they support your decision shouldn’t matter. If moving back home, wherever that is for you, makes you happy then do it. After all, even if you move back and decide that that’s not where you belong you can keep on moving until you figure out where you do belong. Remember the only thing permanent in this life is change. Secondly, I think it is very important that you stay active doing things you enjoy doing. I think at a certain point in life we all feel like we need some type of gratification and acceptance regarding the things that we are passionate about. In regards to your question about motives… This is a somewhat confusing question to me, maybe due to the word “impress”. I feel that it is certainly in our nature to desire approval of people that we care about and who care about us, but when I think of the word “impress”, the last thing on my mind is things I’m passionate about. I don’t go out to try to win someone’s approval by playing the piano, writing poems, or anything that I consider hobbies. I participate in things I enjoy doing for my own satisfaction and my boyfriend supports me whether or not he is passionate about the things I’m passionate about. Your spouse/ future spouse shouldn’t be your motivator to live a happy and healthy life. Sure, they can be a contributor to your happiness but your happiness should not rely on them or anyone else for that matter.

I think it is normal to ask these questions, probably more than one time, throughout life. Taking leaps of faith comes with the risk of failure, but what matters is how you react to it and handle the situation.
I hope that you find happiness and inner peace/acceptance regarding these matters. Just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone on this mission of self discovery. Don’t be too hard on yourself and embrace all that life offers you, whether good or bad it’s shaping you into the person that you are supposed to be. Let that inner light of yours shine. 🙂

Best,
Reanna