Hi Zita

I’m glad the idea of writing is something you find useful. Now, please feel free to ignore the rest of my response. I get a bit ‘passionate’ about all of this. Even though you feel you have ranted in your post, I get a real sense of how much you are still holding in. I know from my own experience how damaging that can be so any words here are coming from a good place.

Perhaps rather than viewing it as a letter, a better approach might be to view it as a mini project?? Do some planning, writing, editing, re-write etc.

Allow yourself 20 minutes a day to think about what he has done and how it has made you feel. Don’t think about wording, format, order or anything like that, just write things down as they come to your mind. Use whichever words you want to and don’t feel the need to edit. This is the time to really let that anger out onto paper. Aim to only use the allocated time to focus on this. The rest of your day can be spent on other things.

Your first time will be a flurry, and gradually you will find you have most of it down. If things come to mind outside of the 20mins, add them on, but use the 20mins as your time to indulge in this anger. For everything you write that he has ‘done’ to you, make sure that you think about how that made you feel. Scared, frightened, angry, alone, intimidated, manipulated, sad, worthless …..

Identifying those feelings can really help you to better understand what is going on for you. At the moment, all you see is anger, but it is probably a big pot of all sorts flying around. Remember as well, these are just your feelings. They are not your reality. He may have made you feel worthless, but that is not the reality. These are things he has made you feel. That is all it is.

Once you think you have got most things out, you can start putting them into some form of structure. It might be themed, or time based etc, just some way to make sense of all the points. As you go through it, you might want to remove some pieces as they don’t seem as significant in the bigger scale of things.

Once you are ready you can start putting it together as a letter. By this time, you are in better control of what you are writing. And if you do feel the need to post it…why the hell not? You can always put it in a blank envelope and into a post box.

I really hope things work out well and you find the happier place that you deserve.