Thanks Inkrid. I will try that. I am not really someone who meditates, but I like the idea of visualising who you want to be, what you want to have.

The hardest part of this is the bit where I think “here we go again”. Its the emotions that are all recycling around me all the time and I’m having panic attacks. I’m trying really hard, walking, listening to music, talking to friends, and journalling. But it hurts a lot right now, not just dealing with the loss of something I thought might eventually be good (although it wasn’t good), maybe its the loss of hope that is affecting me the most? The old feelings of hopelessness are actually more familiar to me than feelings of hope, because I spent 3 years feeling hopeless. I wake up in the mornings feeling like its 4 years ago and I’m processing all this stuff from my past CONSTANTLY. Its breaking me, and I’m terrified. Has anyone else been through this in terms of reliving the past when things don’t work out?