Hello Fiyuhfry,

Thank you so much for your response. I really appreciate your time contemplating my situation and sharing your view. It is very kind of you! You definitely shed good light on many items.

I feel that you understand where I was coming from, and appreciate your empathy towards my frustration/anger. Deep down, I would have loved it if he could have talked to me honestly and openly about the way he was feeling, whether it was fear, uncertainty, etc., rather than the way it was handled in an immature manner as you suggested. I think that was where trust was lost the first time around, and why I never felt quite safe the second time, being I felt a breakup could just happen again without warning. And yes, I wonder if he would have gave me support and assurance, rather than focusing on what he didn’t want, if things would have gone differently. Perhaps that in itself is a trait that would not allow us work in the long term. It’s hard because I reflect back and think what if I wouldn’t have done this or said that differently, but that is how you learn and grow. We both did things that didn’t help us grow in a better way. I do feel that my anger was both of ours to own, but mostly mine, being I was the professing it. I definitely never want to let my anxiety, insecurities, and low feelings of self worth get the best of me again. And as you mentioned, there are other, better ways to assert yourself.

I kept hoping that we could turn the corner and once I felt assured, I would be comfortable, be myself, the person he originally feel in love with. I now know that this was a ridiculous thought and I needed to focus on my self-esteem, but I didn’t realize this until later.

I think his personality is one in which “life is short, let’s have fun,” which is probably what attracted me to him in the first place. So, that is another great observation that you mentioned. I need to consider what I look for in a relationship. And I do admit the “time” thing scares me as well, as of recent, but obviously I can’t control that situation. I would love to have children, but if it doesn’t work out, I will be okay 😉

Thank you for giving me many great things to consider. I am healing and can only hope I am closer to becoming a better, more self-aware person. This is due in part to you, Jasmine and all the good information Tiny Buddha provides. Peace and love to you 🙂