Rebecca,

At some point, when we’ve had enough, we can give up our habit of being entertained by our mind. All that spinning isn’t getting you anywhere… much like a mental maze with no exit. The way out of the maze is to drop the maze. Said differently, you’re looking for ideas to set you free, but that will never happen. Instead, consider learning to let go of the thoughts. You noticed how “racing mind” interfered with your exam, perhaps it also interferes with connecting to the joy of being alive.

Why do you hate your body so much?

Consider approaching the spinning thoughts like a wild horse galloping around your head. There’s nothing to be found in there, your thoughts are not important, they just cycle around when you’re uncomfortable. If you’d like to loosen the grip the thoughts have, consider trying some metta meditation. It silences the spinning, over time and practice, which allows the mind to be peaceful, alert, concentrated. Consider searching for “Sharon Salzburg guided metta meditation” on YouTube if interested. Do this twice a day (morning and night) for two weeks, listening as close as you can, concentrating as much as you can, following along as close as you can, and it will blossom like a raft to help you out of the mental tangle you’re facing.

Remember, its not “finding some truth” that helps us become free, its “realizing we’re OK, learning, growing” and we slowly learn to be easy on ourselves, patient with ourselves as we blossom like a rose.

With warmth,
Matt