Plaedes,

Thank you for sharing, and there is much grace in your dance, dear brother. Consider that when we have a very fast moving and creative mind, it is important to learn to stay grounded. This is why the “present moment awareness” and “staying focused, letting go, staying focused” is so calming. However, it also might help a great deal to rest for awhile on just how safe you are. Look around you, notice how the sun just always comes up. The rain comes down. Seeds sprout. Seasons come and seasons go. No need to rush and plan with such force, nature is not as harsh as you fear it is.

Consider a parable of a garden. A gardener plants a seed, gives it a little water, and then has to wait for it to sprout. He might do everything right, good soil, enough water, and still the seed will not sprout. If he spends all his time worrying whether it not the sprout will happen, he misses all the beauty around him. If he can plant, water, then sigh, relax, be easy with himself, be patient with nature, then sprout or no sprout, there he will be smiling, learning, planting and watering.

The same is true of your organizing. You could try to plan and sort all day long, and still not be able to find something when you need it. So what? If you relax, be easy, be patient, then whether you find that email or not, there you will be, smiling.

You don’t have to be perfect to be loved, dear brother. Love is not something we can ever earn… it just blossoms or doesn’t, based on the heart of the lover, not the actions of the loved. For instance, I love you, warts and all, because my heart is open. I see a creative, passionate sibling, and nothing you could do or not do would change that. Just because some people in your family (say, mom?) has a difficult time expressing love or feeling love has nothing to do with you. You’re totally lovable, as is, and have always been.

With warmth,
Matt