Sharron,

I’m sorry for the painful tendrils that abuse has left on your heart and life. It is such a beautiful thing for you to be seeking forgiveness, and it is a good aim. Consider that those moments of abuse were like stones tossed at you by ignorant men, and because the situation is long gone, there’s nothing to do but let the bruise heal.

This is one of the grandest teachings of Jesus, in my opinion. On the cross, stones chucked at him from the people he wished to see connect to god, beauty, wonder… and he was resting on their ignorance, their failings and how it brings them pain. Then, those stones became a method of his breakthrough.

The same is true of us. When we can look at the abusers as ignorant kids doing dumb things, things that hurt themselves as well as us, then we become free. Your stepfather and uncle, for instance, were not healthy people. Healthy people don’t abuse children, people that are happy, joyous, with an open heart, would never tread so selfishly upon your heart. Said differently, their hearts were closed, minds in whoknows what painful places. It sucks for them, especially because they were once victims of some kind of abuse, which is what closed their heart to begin with.

This idea, when taken into our heart, gives us permission to set down the anger. So ensnared, mad, that some older kid kicked sand in our eye, that we storm out of the sandbox. No more! We can set down that anger, breathe with it, comfort it, hold the little girl in our heart, and let that heat evaporate. Then, forgiveness blossoms in our heart, and we can say with authenticity “I hope they find peace”. Our peace, a natural byproduct.

Finally, consider that your bruised self esteem is also normal. You are super strong, I can feel it, but act like you’re weak. You can’t fool me! Don’t be afraid to say what’s on your mind and heart, you hold delicate pieces that the people around you could really benefit from. Don’t feel obligated to share, but don’t let your fear stop you from sharing, either. Its just fear, and that’s why we have courage!

With warmth,
Matt