Thank you Jasmine, Inky, and Matt, for your understanding, support, and words of wisdom. Each one of you provided insight into my specific “dilema”, and helped me to gain the right perspective. The analogies of the train as the journey, and of Dumbo’s magic feather and wings turned on the “light bulb” (blink blink blink!) in me immediately. Thank you! Thank you for the reminders that we are more than this body, and that we are all one and connected.

I had never thought about using different ways of meditation. That might help me disassociate Rook with the ability to practice. When I read about that, I first thought of Thich Nhat Hanh’s approach while breathing in and out, like “I am here”, and so forth. I also thought of some visualization techniques I learned from Shakti Gawain. There are different kinds of Taoist meditation as well. Being in nature brings on the deepest (or most painful) emotions of grieving because that is where Rook and I connected the most. He (and Cirrus) were a connection to nature. But I am making a point to get out there anyway and rollerski (!) even though I am now alone. My husband is grieving in a different, but also in a deep way, and walking together is too painful for him right now.

I do have a pawprint on clay, made by the vet, that I could hold, but I don’t know if that will cause more or less emotion, help or hinder the process of meditating, but of course, whatever happens, I simply observe that, right?

Inky, did you eventually go back to that church?

…and as you say, I will be patient, breathe, make space, let it flow in and out. If I get stuck in a rut, I will definitely go back and reread your messages for support. Any other comments would be greatly appreciated.

Patricia