Dear people,

Thank you so much for taking the effort to bring me some guidance or help me feel somewhat better. I found a dutch version of the the Bhagavat Gita and it’s on it’s way. Also this youtube video with Sharon Salzburg is taking the edge of the questions in my head. Literally getting me out of my head more. What a relief. There seems to be a part of my ego that is real strong and wants me to keep comparing everything. It’s what ‘i’ have been doing all my life.

I have been busy building a stronger awareness of this unwanted behavior and i seem to get a hold of it more. The same goes for my being judgmental (foremost to myself). There is still a lot of work to be done, because this strong voice telling me to do so, to be judgmental and to compare is sometimes really soft and barely noticeable.

Matt, do you mean with ‘tastelessness’ to not feel a passion, as in not to want to do anything? That is whats going on sometimes, that i feel i have ‘lost’ my passion for music. I think now that i am just walking the path to reset what passion is meaning to me. This wide open space i’m in now, this “o sh#t where do i have to go, what should i do, which direction should i get of off this roundabout?” is pretty uncomfortable. Thats okay, i don’t need comfortable right now and i don’t say that to be harsh to myself. I feel grateful, because it tends to more often feel this is exactly the place that is best for me to be in.
Now i try to teach myself this very important part; the uncomfortable is the place to learn to your’e true self, passion and purpose in life. I found out that this purpose in life for me is really simple; be content with my life. That’s it! How to get there is already a fair bit clearer.

I tend to get tangled up in all the terms like; passion, fulfillment, purpose, goal, doing and trying and i even think that i see to much motivational websites. Slowing down and just breathe makes more sense now.

Kelly, you seem to be at a somewhat comparable roundabout, maybe also on a broken bike. Psychology states; fix your’e bike first and Buddhism seems to be saying; just sit down and be. Now, that last one is pure enjoyment for my procrastinating ego. This is also the contradicting feeling i have. I guess i have to learn to let go more. To not judge and expect (as much). These seem to be the basics.
I try to see it this way (for now…): i’m sitting in a beautiful valley surrounded by several mountains a beautiful place if you don’t think about which mountain to climb and how to do it and if it’s the right mountain for you. Life’s voice is really soft and you need to be really peaceful and quiet to hear it. So at first you sit an be content with it and then you give change for life to speak to you and then you can ask it a question.

I will keep you updated with my life’s journey. Maybe some other person can also learn from it.

Mark