Roohi,

In addition to all the wonderful sentiments expressed by others, also consider that sometimes knowing the past doesn’t actually help the present. Such as, if you knew his past lovers, there may be unnecessary comparison between you and them. If the past is dead and gone for him, it may be a lot less “hiding” on his side, than simply “irrelevant”. Especially if he said he was alone for a long time, despite dating, perhaps none of the women you’re afraid of ever touched his heart in the same way. We can be alone in a room full of people, if we’re not connecting. Ya know?

Also consider that if he’s picking up on your fear of being right for him, he may shy away from certain topics. Much like he might not buy you flowers that make you sneeze. If you settle your fears, shed the allergies, then he won’t be afraid to buy you the difficult smelling ones. Said differently, when we aren’t afraid of our partner’s past, and don’t hold it against them in our heart, transparency is natural, easy.

Finally, its unneeded to fear that because he didn’t tell you all the women he sampled before finding you, it means he’s hiding. To be frank, women ask questions they don’t actually want the answers to sometimes. “What was your relationship to her?” is often really “would you tell me how much you love me?”. A tender touch, a gentle squeeze, fears melt. If the answer is direct such as “oh, wow, she was a real tomcat in the sack, and those boobs…. oh my gawd. But nuts, unstable, so we ended it, good riddance.” What would happen next for you? “Ah, thanks for sharing, dearest love” or “am I good enough? Are my boobs oh my gawd? Am I satisfying to him?” etc. You be surprised at how much flak men take sometimes for not sharing, when not sharing seems like the most skillful choice. Why sing to a flower the colors of another blossom, when a radiant beauty is already in front of us?

With warmth,
Matt