Hi Michael

Funny timing, I’ve been feeling more than a little bit ‘off’ just now too, so I came on here to seek refuge, and read your post. It still hurts for me too. I feel like I am carrying a physical weight around with me at all times, and its really hard to move one. Like you, I struggle with the idea they are moving on when I can’t. I think what makes it different for them than us is that they were (at least in the situation involving you) a bit more in control, and able to say “I’m not ready”. Whereas for you (and me) we didn’t get what we wanted. But if you think about it, they are even less in control because they are themselves riding the waves of probably more deep rooted and difficult issues that will take a lot longer to move on from, and as a result they are unable to commit to something new. It may be hard to hear, but this is probably better for you in the long term, although its so very painful. You are the one able to not only have feelings, but to express those feelings, and to be true to them, and that is something to take comfort from and feel proud of. A short(ish) period of sadness is much better than a relationship that isn’t what you deserve, and may ultimately leave you feeling even more bereft than you do now.

It really resonates with me when you say ‘I just want to be out the other side’ because that’s how I feel too. I had an epiphany yesterday but then today I woke up feeling the ache again. Its just up and down, and all I can say to you is that it does get easier (I was married for 12 years and that finishing was truly awful, but I did manage to get over it. I try to remind myself of that these days). Can you take yourself away somewhere? I live near the sea and find that very therapeutic. Maybe find somewhere that you can go and get some new perspective, especially if you are ruminating. A day out – fresh air, the sea, grass and trees?