Mitra,

In addition to inky’s heartfelt words, consider that sometimes relationships become closely tied with our happiness. For a long time, when you found something new, you’d try to share it with him. Sometimes he’d listen, and sometimes reject you. Either way, that urge to run to him with your discoveries became a habit.

To settle this cycle, intentionally keep things private. Go have some adventures, and don’t tell anyone. What do you like to do? What museums have you wanted to check out? What gallery? What library? What shop? It doesn’t matter what it is, as long as you want to do it, and choose not to tell anyone that you’re going or have gone. Its just for you, a private gift to yourself, exploring.

Then, talking to him, not talking to him, doesn’t matter. You don’t have to tell him, he doesn’t need to know, he hasn’t earned the right to know. Sure, he may inspire all sorts of thoughts and feelings in you, but as long as you keep that secret, he won’t have control. Breathing, enduring the sparks, but then, as you walk away, you’ll have a special place to return to that is only yours. That’s when you’ll be able to see more clearly: “how did dancing with him actually feel?” “Do I want to do that again?”

Finally, consider that if you feel like you want to be with him because you feel lonely, alone, unheard, it would be a good time to self nurture. Hope in a tub with candles, listen to soft music, take a nature walk… something that gets you out of your head, and surrounds your tender heart with warmth and space. My favorite is metta meditation, consider “Sharon Salzburg guided metta meditation” on YouTube, if interested. A little self care goes a long way, and the right amount of self care goes all the way. 🙂

Good luck!

With warmth,
Matt