False, dear friend. Love is not about looks, its about accepting. Be patient with yourself, you have some struggles now that will help you find out who “that man” of your dreams really is. Highschool is like a meat grinder sometimes, especially for those of us that don’t seem to fit in to some “normal mold”. But these things you fear, never ending, never changing… bwah, all false. You’re growing all the time, you’re just in ruts. Very normal ruts, very usual ruts.

Consider for a second how the grass is not greener. “Car driving” for instance has some benefits, stature, etc, but the people driving suffer with different forms of ruts too. Maybe they don’t have man-boobs, but perhaps they’re failing some classes. Or their dad drinks. Or their girlfriend just cheated. We all have these icky parts of our story, and you’re waaay stronger than you think. You’re seeing already what it takes many men decades to figure out. Because you’re an outsider, because you dislike yourself. So don’t beat yourself up for who you are, its actually really beautiful. Its just hard to see when we’re in the shit.

Next, about this laziness. Yep, you’re being lazy. Hit that one dead on, nice shot! You’ve got wrong view of laziness though, as though its just something you are. False, its something you do. You’re lazy because you falsely think there is no hope, that the path you wish you could take is harder, takes more energy. False, mu, repel that garbage. Let’s take your clothes for instance:

Washing, changing, folding, caring… whew, seems like a lot of work! And it is, its a lot of work. However, its actually more work, far more work, to just wear the same clothes. All day, you smell them. All day, you feel them, icky, separate, ashamed. Like boulders on your shoulders, you cart that shit around with you. Wake up! Its way lighter to simply do the work it takes to wear clean clothes, then never have to think about it again. Burden, gone.

Same with exercise. More directly, in the moment: There you sit on the couch or at your computer. You think of yourself as fat, then have a small thought about exercising. Laziness is the delusion that comes up, convincing you not exercising is the easier path. Following that heartfelt inspiration toward health actually gives you energy, stability, happiness. A way brighter path! Easy. Then, when you lay down at night, instead of cycling through the ick… what a good feeling to have taken so many steps in one day. The journey of a lifetime, decided in those steps. And there you were, doing your best. What a beauty! And, rightfully, the happiness grows from the choices, following the heart… not the results… of the scale, the car, the girl. Michelangelo the hero!

With warmth,
Matt