Thank you Myra, I really needed to hear that. It feels good to know there are others out there going through the same thing. Its all so very new and now to me it just keeps hurting. I do see teeny tiny steps of healing each day. Today is better than yesterday tomorrow will be better than today. I feel like I have the answer’s and yet It’s so hard to live them and let them in. I do beat myself up and I do admit that in that letter I am placing a lot of the blame on myself. Its how I feel right now and yet I do know that there was damage on his side as well. In this specific circumstance there were many other issues I was dealing with that I felt led to the demise of this recent back together with the ex. I felt the need to purge it all out of me. If I didn’t my head was going to explode. This wasn’t so much about getting him to forgive me but more to forgive myself and in that I wanted to share with him what I was truly going through. I did end up sending it and am ok with that decision. I knew I would never begin to heal if I didn’t. I’m not looking for an answer from him or his help but more so to know that I put out there everything I was so afraid to admit to myself and to him. Even though he did leave me high and dry in my time of need I wanted to close this door and let out what was definitely tearing me apart inside. I will admit that previously I had done the same to him due to all this mental anguish I was going through. Weather or not I’m right or wrong on this I guess I will have to continue to let the universe make that decision and let it be what it is.