No relationship is ever perfect, so I’m not going to say that it is. Obviously you both feel that your relationship is worth it, otherwise you guys would have walked away from it a while ago. My mom died of lung cancer in 2009 and me and my gf have been back and forth for almost 9 years. We are now in a tough situation and we realized that we should have dealt with the problems back when they started rather than sweeping them under the rug. As Big blue said about couples therapy it can really help to get unbiased professional help. Problems don’t go away, unless they are dealt with appropriately and really I think in some circumstances not only couples therapy is necessary, but also both people need to work out their own problems separately with a therapist. You are still dealing with the death of your mother, that is a heavy burden and a therapist can help you with that and it sounds like she is dealing with a lot. If you aren’t a fan of that I know a lot of churches and other religious centers offer some type of grief counseling and couples counseling, these are beneficial as well.