Hi there! Thanks for the reply. Sorry to hear that you are also going through mourning a loss at moment.

I feel the breakdown in the relationships is my fault for firstly talking to other men about things including our relationship. He asked me not to lie to him after the first instance. I should not have flirted with another man. I should not have met up with the guy again even though it was innocent.

I should have communicated more but sometimes found it difficult as I believed it would end in confrontation with my previous alleged misdemeanours being brought up. For the past few years I have resorted to actions rather than words. Supported him in his business, looked after our home and the dogs whilst managing my own career. All the smaller gestures such as dogs walked, shopping done, food waiting on the table. All of which showed my care and love for him.
Ive begun to realise that Im a nurturer and have been nesting. I spent a good few years working on my happiness and decided that work is not as important as a family. Im 38 and my thoughts have been drifting towards children so much so that I visited my doctors to ask for fertility tests. I wanted children two years into the relationship, he didnt at that point. Then a few years later he wanted them and due to past events I was unsure. He told me recently that I had said I definitely did not want them. I was unsure but have never said no. So with this uncertainty I didnt tell him about my wants and the tests as I didnt want to disappoint him if I wad infertile.

So now he has left me. I desperately want children (with him) and dont want to start again.