Lucy, you’re allowed to have male friends! So don’t apologise for needing to talk to someone about all of this, the fact you needed to meant you weren’t happy. And having found myself questioning what I actually want in life and not what others tell me I want, I found I want children one day and to have been with someone wonderful who I’d imagined that for myself with him, I totally understand the panic you must feel. And while you’re older than me (I’m 32) you don’t need to panic. There is time for everything to happen when it needs to. I’m currently trying to think about two women I know who are positive affirmations of what I could have, my cousin who was in her 40s before she met the right man and only then decided she wanted children. And a lady I work with who decided she wanted children in her 40s and adopted despite being single.
So I understand the desperation to have everything perfect now, but make sure it is on your terms and not because you’re chasing a dream of something. Whats perfect anyway? It doesn’t sound like he’s been that for you all this time?
I hate to say it coz I could be wrong, but if he treated you the way you describe what would he have been like with children? You would have been looking after them pretty much on you’re own anyway by the sound of it.
I appreciate I’m struggling to take this advice myself – but you shouldn’t have to chase someone. If he wants you he’ll make the effort. You are worth it. You’ve done wonderful things for him, like moving to be with him, looking after his dog, looking after him. What about you? Whilst I think we all make our own happiness I also think we need someone to look after us sometimes and you shouldn’t be made to feel bad for needing that. You deserve it. There is someone out there who will treat you how you want to be treated and how you deserve to be treated. Just don’t rush to find them. I know its not what you want to hear when you desperately want to be with him but if its not felt right then you need to try to move on.