The shortened version I am a perfectionist and some ways idealist, but have never been able to accept my true self. I have struggled with my homosexual self, burying it away. Me and a woman have been on and off for the past 8 years. I let her in on that side of me 2 years ago, from then it has been an up and down relationship of acceptance and resentment. I have dated guys then ran back to her once scared as she was comfortable for me and she has somehow either believed what I said when I was in denial or very naive. She told me she was pregnant sending me a picture of a positive test, I proposed to her thinking she was pregnant and thinking that was the right thing to do and that I could forget my flaws if I had the right motivation. But she wasn’t really pregnant and things fell apart, but in the time that I thought she was I really pregnant I got her pregnant. Neither of us wanted to get an abortion. Now as the baby nears we have been arguing about my sexuality and whether it will work if I am fantasizing about what could be and she isn’t getting the love from me that she wants. I feel resentment for her fooling me and she feels the same thing toward me for lying about who I really was for years thus wasting her time and her having my baby, but not a promise of “forever” from me. Is there any way that this can have some positive outcome for the baby and we both have the opportunity towards happiness because obviously our happiness will influence the baby’s future happiness and mental well being.

I do love her, but I am not sure that I love her in the way to have a relationship with her like one needed for marriage. I know it is a bit late in realizing that. I don’t feel like I have ever felt real love or that feeling of being with my other half with her or anyone and I do want to feel it and want her to be in a relationship where she gets the attention and love she deserves.

• This reply was modified 10 years, 5 months ago by Mike.
• This reply was modified 10 years, 5 months ago by Mike.