Heidi,

Your hatred isn’t petty, its just pain and fear all crunched up into a hate-appearing ball of energy. If he’s getting angry, perhaps he’s scared too, that he doesn’t know how to help you find peace, happiness. Let it be an exploration together, such as “husband, I don’t know what is going on, may we dance hand in hand and try to see?”. Not “fix me”, “assure me” or any other combative ways, but rather like gentle kisses.

For instance, one practice that could help is to rest with your discomfort and have the courage to ask for help. Perhaps he could give some gentle kisses on your forehead, eyes, face, and in between each, say something he enjoys about you. Along the way, try to breathe, listening deeply, feeling the kisses. When my wife and I practice this, along the way her knot of fear opens up back into passion, and she blossoms, then pounces. 🙂 Or, maybe he is the one that needs kisses? Tender assurance that despite the onset of odd difficulty, he is your king, and you are his queen? Either way, when we share tenderness, the bridge between hearts remains well lit, stable.

Namaste, sister, may your misses get kisses.

With warmth,
Matt