Hi Tina,

First off, the human relationship is complex. And each one is unique. Just like a snowflake, no two are the same.

In any event, you asked for a “new perspective”. I suppose, any perspective that isn’t yours, will be considered “new” to you. I wish to preface any comments that I make by emphasizing that there is no “right” or “wrong” perspective. This is your relationship, and it is your interpretation of it that is important. My comments are simply my comments. They aren’t “better” or “worse” than any others’, especially yours.

You state that you “wish”… What I glean from your statement is that you’re feeling uncomfortable with the reality of the situation. Or else, why would you “wish” for anything else?

You’ve also mentioned that he’s “stuck in the past”. It sounds as though you two aren’t in the same place.

Relationships are tough for this reason. Every day that we go sleep, we are a different a person than we were when we woke up that morning. The clock ticks, and time continues on; whether we like it or not. Because time continues on inevitably, it is impossible for us to remain unchanged. Things will happen during the day that will alter our perspective on life, and change us.

If he yearns for a previous version of you, or even himself for that matter, then he is not accepting the real you nor accepting what the reality of the situation is. The reality of the situation is that you two are experiencing difficulties. The “real” you, is the one that you are today.

It is oft-cited that Einstein once said, “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result”. Well, something is not working in your relationship. So, something must be changed. Just as it is easier to push a couch when two people push instead of one, fixing this problem will likely be easier remedied if both people exert effort instead of only one.

I also do believe in the power of counseling. It would be interesting to see what would happen if he was to surrender and accept some help.

Lastly, I want to ask you if are familiar with the theory of “sunk cost”. If you don’t, you might find it interesting.

Ultimately, what’s most important is for you to sort out how you feel. If you feel that it’s “meant to be” and you’re willing to fight for it, then do it. If you feel that both of you have changed such that reconciling is unrealistic, then so be it. Just be willing to make a decision and own it. There are going to be consequences to every decision that we make — so let’s take responsibility for the consequences (whether “good” or “bad”)! To do so is to be empowered!

Good luck, stay present, and trust yourself! You have the ability to make the right decision for yourself. I also believe that “everything happens for a reason”. Now is the time for you to figure out why this happened! 🙂

Peace be with you.