Inthebliss,

I’m glad you enjoyed metta meditation… “if a million people practiced metta, there’d be a million happy people.” – Bhante G. 🙂

I can understand the allure of sorting it out with the father, and its always possible. Maybe the potential of losing you is enough to wake him up, see his stress, take responsibility… but don’t bet your happiness on it. It often takes a lot of effort to grow in that way, and if he invests that effort, he may morph from a frog into a prince. Said differently, good people say dumb things, and loudly, when they’re overwhelmed, entangled, fearful, and it takes effort to stop that habit of it.

If you do try to let him back into your heart, to regrow trust, be slow and gentle, cautious. Not “miracle cure”, but rather make sure he’s ready to grab the mop and bucket and stay with it.

Finally, as you’ve told your stories, it occurred to me you may benefit from reading some of Pia Mellody’s work on Co-dependence. Mellody explored the way that our self love often determines our resistance to our partner”s stress. Instead of seeing “ah, partner is stressed”, it blows up into “proof he/she doesn’t love me”, “proof i’m/they’re unlovable” and so on. All just garbage that fades when we spend enough time self nurturing. Then, their stress remains just what it is, and can be handled without so much inner conflict on your side. Namaste.

With warmth,
Matt