Tracey,

I’m sorry for your suffering, and can understand how alone we feel sometimes. Sometimes when we look outside ourselves for comfort, we find that people are busy with their own stuff, and don’t have a spare shoulder to lend. Said differently, perhaps your partner and friends have a yoke on their shoulders, and it prevents them from being able to respond tenderly to your needs. Why fret that, though? Its not their job to bring you comfort, that’s your job. A few things came to heart as I read your words.

Consider that sometimes our light burns dim and we feel uncomfortable emotions. Its normal to reach out for mommy and daddy, to have them bring peace into our hearts when we get spooked. As we get older, if we don’t learn to bring that same comfort to ourselves, we end up reaching out a lot, being disappointed or agitated when we don’t get what we need.

To break free from this cycle, consider stop reaching out as much, learn to bring the same comfort to your own body. Perhaps take a bath with candles, go for a walk in nature, meditate, listen to soft music… anything that brings peace to your heart, mind. This helps us find our self reliance, so we do not become agitated when other people are busy/distracted/unavailable to help us. After all, they don’t owe you comfort, its a gift they bring when they have it to spare.

From a different direction, consider nurturing like a meal. We get stressed, and like being hungry, it pushes us toward eating. When we don’t know how to cook, and look to our partner to make us food, we can become very upset with them for not feeding us. “You bastard, don’t you see I’m hungry?” But, its not their job to feed us,that anger and isolation is only the hunger bashing up against the feeling of powerlessness to make our own food. Its not from them, its not because they aren’t doing well for us… we have to learn how to find the fridge ourselves, find the pantry, that way when we’re hungry, we eat. When we’re stressed, we self nurture. Surprise! Blue skies!

Namaste, dear sister, may your breath be fluid, peaceful.

With warmth,
Matt