Little Buddha (et al),

Thanks for the kind words and pointing at the question of brutal honesty. We have to keep in mind that people are often tender, their questions less about “what really is” and more about “is it beautiful”. When we see an afflictive pattern in another, for instance, being honest can be very painful. Bright light in tender eyes, sensitive.

Kind speech paired with honesty, consider aiming with the tenderness of removing a splinter from a child’s foot. “OK, I see you limping, and this might be stingy, but I mean only to help you walk freely”, and making sure that basic understanding is kept alive during the exchange. This help keep the judgment away on either side, both aimed at healing, sharing, etc.

In a lay life, with spouses, kids and so forth, the necessary part seems to be about sharing our heart with the world around us. For instance, it may not be “necessary” ultimately to say her/his hair smells good, but it helps keep the romance present, alive. “That’s a great drawing, daughter” or “you look pretty today” etc, heartfelt, appreciation. Necessary, perhaps, could be seen as “does it follow the intentions of our dream?”

Speaking truly is perhaps about keeping the subjective nature of truth in mind as we speak and relate. “I think, I see, I feel”, keeping in mind there are many sides to a situation, and we often think we know the other person/side, but get caught up in our own illusions/projections. “You are upset” for instance, vs “you seem upset” or “it looks better in blue” vs “I like it better in blue” or “You’re attacking me” vs “I feel attacked.” Etc.

There are a great number of writings on right speech out there, if you’re interested. 🙂

Namaste, friends. Happy speaking! 🙂

With warmth,
Matt