MD,

Sometimes when we study Buddhism without a teacher, we can gain a false sense of “feelings arent real”, which is a nihilistic view, afflictive. Such as “this is illusion, so nothing matters”. Had he been with a Zen teacher, that teacher may have struck him square in the nose, then asked if it wasnt real, why the fuss?

It sounds like your boyfriend is having a hard time understanding feelings. Consider a different approach to his nihilism, his “nothing matters, feelings are an illusion.” Perhaps “my feelings are important to me, and that does matter, and hopefully to you. You alive in there?” or “You might see it in the brain, but what about your heart?”. Said differently, if you want to try to build something with him, help him bring his attention downward into his chest where his empathy rests. “Out of your head, buddy, look at me, needin a hug here… where’s your warmth?”, arms waving.

Finally, consider that if he’s insistent, such as refuses to come to the plate emotionally, you may wish to throw in the towel and move on. You have a tenderness of spirit, dear sister, and deserve a partner that honors it, not denounces it. Its a precious jewel, and don’t just give it away to the first a-hole you stumble across. Make them show you they deserve your attention, you’re worth it!

Namaste, friend, may your wings find their updraft.

With warmth,
Matt